To People who think We Shouldn’t Fly with Babies and Kids

As my toddler and 4 year old walked into our row on the airplane, a man a couple isles up gave me a really rude look. Seriously? I smiled and gave him a do-you-need-help look. He turned away because people like that don’t want eye contact. They want you to feel ashamed. I’ve seen a lot of losers like that on planes, and the truth is, my kids travel more often than they do. It’s the ones who fly once or twice a year that have really weird ideas about traveling by plane. I want to address those ideas and people because I’m tired of you people. I’m tired of the stress you give other parents. It’s you who make the babies cry. Because when the parents are stressed, the babies are stressed. By the way, when we land, you all say the same thing, “Wow, your kids were really quiet.” Yeah, they were better behaved than you.

First of all, I’m sorry that your private jet wasn’t available and you have to fly with everyone else. Wait, what? You don’t have money for a private jet? Then you can’t afford the luxury of not flying with everyone else. I can’t either. I once had to sit next to a stinky French man for 3 hours while he napped with his hands behind his head. My head was at armpit level. If I were Paris Hilton, I’d be on a wonderful bed on my private jet. I’m not and you’re not Paris Hilton. We have to fly with everyone else.

Oh, you are really tired and want it to be quiet? My kids know that nighttime is for sleeping. If you are grumpy because you didn’t get your sleep, you need to set a bedtime for yourself and pack in advance—not the night before. It’s not my fault that you don’t know how to manage your time.

If this were a night flight, just know that I LOVE night flights. My kids go to sleep and sleep the whole time. My baby wakes up to drink milk. I’ve heard other babies crying for a little bit on night flights, but I’ve also had two grown men yelling over my head on a night flight to talk to each other. They were really excited about their trip, so I take earbuds, and it’s just so nice.

Maybe you are grumpy because you’ve already flown for 20 hours straight. Maybe you should break up your travels or plan sooner to get a more direct flight. Flying for 20 hours straight is obviously too hard on you. It’s rude of you to think that we should be exposed to all your chosen nasty, grumpiness and be okay with that. Those are things that are in your control. Buy some noise canceling headphones, and shut your mouth.

You can’t believe I would fly with my kids? To all the parents flying cross-country to get to a funeral, visit family for the holidays, or just have a nice time together, we shouldn’t want to do ANYTHING with our lives right now. We’re so dumb! Not while we have kids. We should just watch TV at home with them. We shouldn’t show them the world. We shouldn’t visit family. Do nothing. Nothing! until you don’t have kids. Obviously. I’m sorry (but not sorry at all); this is my life. I’m not going to put myself through 30 hours of road trip hell because you think I shouldn’t exist. I do, and I will fly!

Now my baby has bumped his head and has started crying. Please, keep shooting me nasty looks while I calm this sweet, little person down and give him kisses. The person in front of me just gave him a funny picture of a monster he was drawing. He must be a famous designer and not a jerk.

You feel like this flight is all about you. It’s not. We bring little chocolates with us to give to other kids when they are having a hard time because we are all flying together—doing this together. This might be a good time to look at your life as well. The world doesn’t revolve around you. By the way, on our last 100 flights, a baby only cried for maybe 15 minutes. So calm down. Maybe you’ve been on a flight where a baby cried for 2 hours. First, I’m glad that happened to you. Second, did you notice that it ended? Flights don’t last forever. You have the stakes set way too high on these 2 to 16 hours of your life. Do you see how crazy that is?

We’re not flying to ruin your day. We actually didn’t notice you until you started to be nasty. Now we see exactly who you are. I want more flights that don’t allow children to fly, so all of you selfish, short-sided flyers can go away. You cause parents too much stress. A friend of mine had the opportunity to go to Europe for a couple weeks but didn’t want to fly. I hope she just has a fear of heights and didn’t choose to stay because she was worried about people like you. People like you are actually make flying worse because you are stressing the parents out. And like I said, when the parents are stressed, the babies are stressed. I love the people who smile and welcome us as we sit down. I love to welcome other people. We have such a nice time together. But I don’t care for people like you, and I don’t think other parents should either. When people like you talk to me on the plane, I tell them how sorry I am that they are so grumpy or how sorry I am that their private jet isn’t available. Then I tell them to stop talking to me because I don’t want to hear them. Guess I have a double standard.

I love traveling with my husband and two kids. It can be really fun and crazy. We travel at a slower pace–mostly because of me! I love discovering new and interesting things with my kids. I am so grateful to being doing what I do and that you have joined us on our trip!

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